it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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