weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
