dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
