I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
