it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
