If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
