Four minutes until I can fart!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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