So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
