what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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