Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
