I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
