i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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