This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
