RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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