next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
