ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
