Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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