I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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