sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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