his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
