FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
