I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
