they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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