she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
