I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
