Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
