I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
