When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
