Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
