You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
