I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
