i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
