apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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