I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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