I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
