lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Couch. On fire.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
