i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
