Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
