In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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