cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
