During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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