drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
