You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
