After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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