I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
