Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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