if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
