even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
