Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
