Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
