this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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