I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
