We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
