We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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