your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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