Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
